Dear Draco
by IRiSEaGLes
Summary: NSFW! You've been warned. Theo and Blaise are on an around the world trip, and some of their stops are interesting. Rated M for language


_Dear Draco_,

_Our trip has been exciting, to say the least. Those Muggles, wow, do they know how to party or what?! _

_First, it was Carnaval in Rio, then we traveled here and there - Matcu Pichu is a MUST! And honestly, the only way to get there is by chewing the leaves as the locals do. I don't know what that leaf has but damn if it wasn't a high in the sky-high! _

_We hit Australia for some scuba diving - their version of a bubblehead charm - in the Great Barrier Reef. _

_Then it was onto Korea. MERLIN'S SAGGY BALLSACK! There is this park… I am at a loss of words on how to describe it. There are dicks everywhere. Like two-meter tall DICKS! Dick chairs, dick cannons, statues of guys holding their dicks. I am not bluffing mate. Theo was impressed. He rode more than a few of them, well as much as we could when the tips are as big as our HEADS!_

_Draco, I cannot describe the dicks well enough. I know you're straight and all, but it was impressive. I took more than a few pictures for Pansy's enjoyment. Ask her to see them, because seeing is the only way to believe the bullocks!_

_Then I had the grand idea of going to Japan. I wanted to relax a little, maybe see the cherry blossoms. _

_Well, Theo had other ideas._

_We went shopping. Salazar, that man is a clothes-whore. We ate sushi. And Kobe beef - that is actually bloody good stuff. Then we went all bastard British tourists. _

_He dragged me to this festival. It was a fertility festival, Draco. Like we could have kids if we tried. And trust me, Theo tried. And tried. And tried. But the festival… It was like Theo had ideas that he couldn't put subtly. No, he had to get a neon sign and blast it so that those Muggles in space could see. _

_This festival they honored the dick. Now you know me, I worship at the sight of a nice dick. But this was extreme even for me. There were dick lollipops that the Muggle women were sucking off like it was the real thing. There were masks that made your head look like a HEAD! Well, you know what I mean by that, right? A three-meter inflatable dick. There is a TEMPLE TO THE DICK! _

_Theo was in dick heaven. Honestly, I know that they are not realistic, so give a guy a break. He's going to expect so much more out of me now._

_Draco, convince Theo that we need to come home. Please. I am begging. I love the bloke but he's going to break me on this trip of his. _

_Yours,_

_Blaise_

* * *

_Draco,_

_Don't listen to a word that Blaise says. He's having too much fun being the bitchy bitch we both know he can be. He went to Armani in Tokoyo. I think my vault is a third lighter. On the plus side, he has a job as a male model if he wants it. _

_I told him no. He only gets to model for me. Period. End of sentence. But with his arse, what designer wouldn't beg for him to model their clothes?_

_Now I bet that he's complaining about all the sites we have gone to. There is another I want to go to but we missed the festival. Next year. It's in Greece. And you're coming with us. No complaints, no whining like the sissy little pretty boy you can be. Hell, you might get some if you do come with us because we had hundreds of offers. HUNDREDS. Men, women, ones we couldn't determine. _

_Draco, you know we like to share, and we will share. We promise._

_I'll let you know the details as we get the plans in order. Blaise says we can stay at one of his homes in Italy and just pop over to Greece for the day. I don't think that will work out, I have a feeling we will need something closer because we won't be safe to apparate. That's still a year away, though. Plenty of time._

_See You Soon,  
Theo_

"So, how are our favorite lovebirds doing?" Daphne Malfoy asks from the other room as she hears her husband choking for air from all the laughing he has been doing for the last ten or so minutes.

"They're fine. A little horny as always. They may be tired when they get back. Blaise got a job offer though," he says with nonchalance.

"Blaise work? Have the planets aligned in such a way? I don't think I ever saw Blaise lift a finger. Ever," she says chastising.

"Modeling," her husband replies. "So doing what he does best, strut."

"Got it."

"Darling," Draco coos, "next year please find something that I need to do and absolutely cannot get out of. The two of them want to take me to some fertility festival in Greece and -"

"No need to go on, dear. I will find something mundane for you."

"Thank you, love," his voice is automated. Their relationship isn't based on love, like Theo and Blaise's, but it works for them. And really, that is all that matters to them. Theo and Blaise, Draco thinks, are just too much work. This, to him, works.


End file.
